have quite made up my mind

This was always how she began, confiding to me her secret intentions, and it almost always turned out that I had learnt the whole secret from her long before.“Ach, Natasha, I’ve heard that from you a thousand times, Of course it’s impossible for you to go on living together. Your relation is such a strange one. You have nothing in common. But will you have the strength? ”“It’s only been an idea before, Vanya, but now I . I love him beyond everything, and yet it seems I am his worst enemy <a style="color:#000000; text-decoration:none;" href="http://bba.hkbu.edu.hk/txt/bba-job-salary.html">BBA Job Salary</a>. I shall ruin his future. I must set him free. He can’t marry me; he hasn’t the strength to go against his father. I don’t want to bind him either. And so I’m really glad he has fallen in love with the girl they are betrothing him to. It will make the parting easier for him. I ought to do it! It’s my duty . . . If I love him I ought to sacrifice everything for him. I ought to prove my love for him; it’s my duty! Isn’t it?”“But you won’t persuade him, you know”“I’m not going to persuade him. I shall be just the same with him if he comes in this minute. But I must find some means to make it easier for him to leave me without a conscience-prick. That’s what worries me, Vanya. Help me. Can’t you advise something?”“There is only one way,” I said : “to leave off loving him altogether and fall in love with someone else. But I doubt whether even that will do it; surely you know his character. Here he’s not been to see you for five days. Suppose he had left you altogether. You’ve only to write that you are leaving him, and he’d run to you at once.”“Why do you dislike him, Vanya?”“I?”“Yes, you, you! You’re his enemy, secret and open. You can’t speak of him without vindictiveness. I’ve noticed a thousand times that it’s your greatest pleasure to humiliate him and blacken him! Yes, blacken him, it’s the truth!”“And you’ve told me so a thousand times already <a style="color:#000000; text-decoration:none;" href="http://www.healthcabin.net/UD-Youde-RTA-RDA-Atomizer-c/1513.html">goliath v2</a>. Enough, Natasha, let’s drop this conversation.”“I’ve been wanting to move into another lodging,” she began again after a silence. “Don’t be angry, Vanya.”“Why, he’d come to another lodging, and I assure you I’m not angry.”“Love, a new strong love, might hold him back. If he came back to me it would only be for a moment, don’t you think?”“I don’t know, Natasha. Everything with him is so inconsistent. He wants to marry that girl, and to love you, too. He’s somehow able to do all that at once.”“If I knew for certain that he loved her I would make up my mind . . . Vanya! Don’t hide anything from me! Do you know something you don’t want to tell me?”She looked at me with an uneasy, searching gaze.“I know nothing, my dear. I give you my word of honour; I’ve always been open with you. But I’ll tell you what I do think: very likely he’s not nearly so much in love with the countess’s stepdaughter as we suppose. It’s nothing but attraction . . . . ”“You think so, Vanya? My God, if I were sure of that! Oh, how I should like to see him at this moment, simply to look at him! I should find out everything from his face! But he doesn’t come! He doesn’t come!”“Surely you don’t expect him, Natasha ?”“No, he’s with her; I know. I sent to find out. How I should like to have a look at her <a style="color:#000000; text-decoration:none;" href="http://www.polyu.edu.hk/web/en/home/index.html">best university</a>, too. . . . Listen, Vanya, I’m talking nonsense, but is it really impossible for me to see her, is it impossible to meet her anywhere? What do you think?”She waited anxiously to hear what I should say.“You might see her. But simply to see her wouldn’t amount to much.”“It would be enough for me only to see her; I should be able to tell then, for myself .